When Promotional Emails Just Don't Do It For Me (With My Sox On) (That's What He Said)

If you're like me, your email inbox gets flooded with promotional emails on a daily basis. Email marketing has proven to be an effective tool for businesses - especially small businesses - some even have a lot of fun with it.

Today I got an email from Chowdaheadz. You know, the guys who have that "wicked pissah stuff." But instead of enticing me to buy something (or even get the free T-shirt they were promoting) I wanted to report them to the Grammar Vandal*.

Here is the text of the email:

By being our friend you are going to get some great deals from us including:
Discount codes, Free stuff, & Much More..

In fact we will start right now with this great offer:
FREE CHOWDAHEADZ T-SHIRT TODAY

HOW TO REDEEM:
-Use coupon code at checkout: FCTN7183
-This one time coupon code must be used the same day this email was opened
-Code cannot be combined with other codes & expires today
-CLICK THIS LINK TO GET YOUR FREE TEE TODAY!


Thanks for being a Chowdaheadz and we look forward to hearing from you!

CLICK HERE TO VISIT CHOWDAHEADZ.COM
If your a Yankee Fan hit unsubscribe below:

http://app.bronto.com/public/actionpage/execute_page/?fn=Mail_ActionPage_FormResponse&tsid=ifga1v5kj0vsctttqw47dr95hva4d&page_type=unsubscribe&sid=h5qnnnjrnp8x45vz0yi3dwolqzdwv&ssid=12459

I'm going to offer my unsolicited advice to these clams:

1. Saying "this one time coupon code must be used the same day this email was opened" and that the code "expires today" does not go hand in hand. What if I didn't open your email until tomorrow? Or next week? You are leaving your words open for some interpretation and confusion.
2. Do I need to purchase something in order to get my free Tshirt? Or maybe there is no purchase necessary? I don't want to have to click through to your site, try and add the shirt to my shopping cart and try and check out, only to find out I might need to buy something else. Tell me now, please.
3. You thank me for being a Chowdaheadz (wouldn't I just be a Chowdahead? I don't have multiple heads) and say you look forward to hearing from me, but don't tell me how to get in touch with you. Fail.
   
4. This line, while intending to be funny (I get that), is really just wrong in so many ways "If your a Yankee Fan hit unsubscribe below" - oh where to start, where to start....

• First: Let's talk about homonyms. You've surely learned about them. They're words that are pronounced the same, but are spelled differently and have different meanings. See the Yankees, they don't belong to me. They don't belong to my heart, none of their shirts even belong in my closet.
• Second: This may be me going over the edge a bit, but I'm an online marketing geek, I "click" on links. I don't "hit" them. My mom taught me not to hit at all, it's not nice.
• Third: I can't even "hit" or "click" unsubscribe below because there is no unsubscribe button or link. There is just a dynamically generated link full of garbage most people don't understand.

And before you go all Snooki on me, I know I'm far from perfect. But this is my blog and I felt the urge to say something.

That's my rant for the day. Until next time, remember to proof your business emails before sending them out!

*Read the Grammar Vandal's Travel Blog: Adventurous Kate


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